Heroin in Whiskas by Martin Newell

There's heroin in Whiskas
I'm reasonably sure
The cat's getting desperate
Pacing the floor
He hangs round the food cupboard
Waiting to score
Wild-eyed and reckless
Quick on the claw
He's sharing a needle
The cat from next door
Comes round at mealtimes
And ties-off his paw
They shoot up together
And beg me for more
Who should I turn to?
The vet or the law?

There's heroin in Whiskas
I don't think it's crack
He said he could handle it
Lying on his back
But last night the chemists
Came under attack
The only things missing
Were chocolate and smack
And some halibut oil
From the vitamin rack
He won't have the dried stuff
Which comes in a pack
If it ain't got the tincture
He reckons it's cack

There's heroin in Whiskas
And reasonably pure
He completely refuses
To go for a cure
He just lies around
Till it's time for his feed
But what makes it worse
Is the dog's taking speed.